Another continuation. Am I stuck in a rut? Maybe, but it’s a nice rut–the crickets sing to me at night and there’s a little puddle of water fed by some kind of underground spring.
To get the whole story, read Set Up then read Second Person.
This one is also my entry for this week’s Inspiration Monday. I used the prompt in a predictable way, but it fit so nicely I had to use it.
* * * * *
I’m sleeping off a late night when I get the message. Only that could have penetrated my dead man’s slumber. There must be something to the sixth sense. Add seven years of bloodlust and it’s a sixth sense on speed.
I untangle myself from Billy’s girlfriend and hunt for my clothes. Shit. Billy’s girlfriend. But what the fuck’s he gonna say to the guy who catapulted through the ranks as fast as I did? He answers to me now. He may not know that yet, but I do. That’s all that matters.
I take the train so I can think. A guy in my position would bring some help, but I don’t want to clue him in until I’m ready. Fingers is still there and probably has guys lined up at every exit. The Great Wall of China just went up outside Lucky China Buffet, and my big brother is tucked away inside, enjoying his last meal.
He shouldn’t have come back. He knows he’s an endangered species in this town. What he doesn’t know is now, I’m this town’s wealthiest poacher.
I wouldn’t call this stuck in a rut, I’d call it one twisted mystery. You didn’t plan this? I don’t think big brother is enjoying his last meal at all. Keep it coming Kay…it’s really, really good. These could be chapters…
Thanks. No, I didn’t plan it. Should I fib and say I did? Maybe that would make it better. :)
No rut here. Nor predictability in the usage of the prompt. I also think you could use these as novelette-like chapters. This thing is going somewhere and I want to ride with!
I particularly like the lazy, straight language. It evokes strong noir feelings. I keep seeing the story in grainy, high contrast black and white imagery. Brilliant.
Ah! You’re too kind. If I hire some actors will you film it for me?
Fascinating. More! More!
Haha… thanks. :)
If only there was more time in the day.
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Wow! I haven’t read your prior chapters to this piece, but it stands alone all on it’s own. I love the way it has a military feel mixed in with some weird blood thirty Yuppie. LOL :) Excellent! I’m reminded again about why I wanted to do this challenge (although my only submission so far wasn’t a piece of fiction…I didn’t quite get the concept but now I do!!)
Oh, but the concept is really “anything goes”, so many InMon contributors have written essays and nonfiction.
Interesting comment, thank you for it. I see now it does have a military feel if read on its own, and I never noticed that before.
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