I waited for you. I watched that army green door on the back of 511 North 19th Street as the Earth turned and the shadows grew and the night slid over the city. You said you’d look different, but none of those people who came out of that door could have been you. There are some things you can’t change.
When the sweaty hand clamped over my mouth, I thought it was you, playing a joke on me. I had been careful. They couldn’t have found me. But this duct tape is not a joke. Neither is the man with the sledgehammer, coming back after his dinner for the information a bloody nose and a broken elbow could not extract. Now that they have me, they won’t need you. You’re probably across the border now. I hope you are.
Because you’ll never guess what I’m about to tell them.
GRIPPING. It reminds me of a scene in the movie “Payback,” when the mob has beaten Mel Gibson to a pulp, and just broken two of his toes with a hammer. The mix of suspense and courage, turned inside out by betrayal, hits the reader like a slap. Which is great!
Oh, haven’t seen it. Torture scenes are hard for me to watch (lol). But I agree – is there anything more powerful than betrayal?
Kay! First-rate flash fiction! A gripping story wrapped up into 150 words—beginning, middle and end. Not once did this story leave me asking “huh”?
147 to be exact. :)
At first, I was a bit disappointed with how short this was. It just felt wrong to stretch it, and now I’m glad I didn’t. Thanks.
This was great! I love the whole thing. It was perfectly wrapped up and suspenseful the entire way, but satisfying at the same time.
Thanks Jinx! “Perfectly wrapped up” is an awesome compliment. It’s so hard to do with these short ones.
Oooohhhh… cliffhanger at the end there. Not fair! I want to know more.
I think that’s called payback, to you. LOL
Pingback: Second Person | Kay Camden
Pingback: Firebrand | Kay Camden
Pingback: Search Engine Terms: It Takes So Little To Amuse Me | Kay Camden