My first attempt at Inspiration Monday. I’ll be brave and post this unedited. (Eek.)
*****
I didn’t see you that day. You had gone off on a mission, and who was I to judge? I tried to take your advice and not think about it. But something about cleaning your cabin always put my mind on the runway, shooting out the side of the ship, searching the depth of space for you.
I remember the blood on your pillow. I remember the clean pillowcase I put on it. I remember collecting my sponge and pail. Closing and locking your door. Then I let myself in next door and walked in on Jax removing his combat suit. I didn’t expect the two of you back so soon.
He wasn’t mad. He just hugged me to him, sponge and pail and all.
“We won,” he said. He had blood all over him. I knew it couldn’t be his.
I stared past him, out the little porthole window, knowing you weren’t with him like you should be.
“Why is the sky black?”
Kay Camden 
Ooohhhh. I like it!
This was one prompt I was unable to conjure anything up for. You really nailed it.
I think what makes it particularly strong is that you’ve cracked the whole “show don’t tell” thing so well here. Fantastic.
Haha!! Yusss! I out-thought the Scribbla! WOO!
Ditto on Scribbla’s comment. You say so much without saying anything outright. Nice job! I’m glad you’ve joined us!
Wow thanks! I can’t promise to join in every week, but I will try. It’s great practice, and great for building confidence!
This was a prompt that left me devoid of a clue too. I read this a couple times and I love it, it’s lean and vivid. I have a strong sense of being there. But would you believe I still don’t get why the sky is black. Is that symbolic of her state of mind?
If a story moves me I sometimes bug the author with parts I don’t get. I hope you don’t mind…it means I like it and want to understand. I actually have another question too but want to first make sure you don’t mind. Welcome to the Rewrites—so cool you’re here!
No, I don’t mind one bit! I’m thrilled it inspired questions. And thank you for the comment!
I came up with several reasons why the sky is black to her, but couldn’t decide which one. I wanted to leave it open. And I knew if I did explain, it might turn into 125,000 words… I have other novels to finish before I start another project. :)
My initial reason is, there is a war going on. They won, but the war was such a scale to snuff out every nearby star. Kind of a commentary on human nature. Then I thought, the war created so much mess in space that the stars are blocked by pollution. Then I thought, she’s retreated into her mind due to grief, and she can’t remember she’s in space, or she has become blind to her surroundings.
What is your other question? I’m dying to know. :)
I thought there might be several reasons the sky was black, at least I didn’t miss an important clue!
That’s great that you welcome questions, thanks. My other one is, if he went off on a mission and didn’t return, why was there blood on his pillow?
That was the blood from a nosebleed the night before. Space, changes in pressure, all that. I wondered if I should explain that, but I just didn’t think she’d think about it. She’d be used to it.
Oh I just remembered exactly why I didn’t explain the nosebleed. It would have messed up the echo of the three “I remember” sentences. :)
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Interesting take on that topic. Thanks for answering the questions that were in my mind, too, clarifying the story. It takes me awhile…
This stuff usually unravels in 125,000 words for me, so to give it all up so easily just isn’t natural for me. I don’t know the whole story yet either! :)
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